Wishing for the Best

I am not 18 weeks pregnant. I really hope my belly starts to get hard soon. I'm starting to feel flutters of baby bean. It's really a fun thing. Right now my emotions are up and down. I know this comes from hormones. My job doesn't always help either. I have been trying to control them and push my emotions into other forms. Instead of being mad or anyother emotion, I clean. Yesterday I cleaned for 6 hours. It's amazing what you think about in 6 hours worth of working like that.

Sunday I went to my nephew's dedication. He's such a lover and is so sweet. Ireally liked the sermon. My sisters church is a great church. I mean I really like it but it's not my perfect fit. Every time I got to my sisters church I end up tearing up over something and one point or another. I'm hoping to try out another church next sunday. I think right now it's what I really need to start relying on. I have many questions for life and myself right now. I'm convinced the reason I've been so confused about issues and things is because God is crying out to me. He's telling me that I need to slow down and pay more attention to him. I feel bad for people around me because I must look like a big ball of grump all the time. I've just felt disconnected from life lately. I feel like I'm merely a spectator of my life; instead, I need to be living it. I need that strong fellowship. I need a place I feel like I belong.

I've also been focusing on my responsibilities of my home life. I'm really trying to make more of an effort to do more around the house, to get more done and upkeep it a little better. It just be my 'nesting' overtaking me, but it's something I've been failing at for a while. I'm trying to really pay attention to our budget. I'm trying to make more homemade meals instead of grabbing the fastest thing. The problem isn't that I can't cook, I just don't feel like I have the time. The real fact is I really do have that time! I need to use every bit of time I can. Now that my schedule has changed at work I've got three days off in a row so I can really use that to my advantage to work on projects and such without having to leave them undone. I'm trying to make more of an effort. I feel like I need to be in a right place within me before I can fully complete what I need to. Right now I'm just attempting to make that effort. As far as Aaron goes it's all fine at home. I think we need a little bit of a date day or something, because I feel like he's hasn't been getting enough attention. Either that or I haven't been getting enough attention. Tomorrow is his day off so I'm hoping to make good use of it.

Well I would like to write more but my sister and mark will be back soon from their small group. I hope to update after our ultrasound on thursday.

Love.